it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
