one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
