i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
