how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize