I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
