In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
