i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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