I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I looked at my own cervix.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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