is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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