he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
