Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
