Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
