apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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