Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
