hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
