you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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