like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
