i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
