do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
