6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
