I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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