Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
