The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
