I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize