Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
