SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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