So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we're making bets on your personal life
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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