It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize