I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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