just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
