I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
