My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
