I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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