yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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