Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
