Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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