Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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