He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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