I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
