My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize