The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
