I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
