It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
