is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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