im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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