I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
