You just made me feel so damn special
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize