Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
