Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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