apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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