That's when you crack a 10am beer
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
