come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize