I'm so fucking centered right now
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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