My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize