it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
