There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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