thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
