Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
