Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
