Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize