Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
