the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Randomize
