yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
