Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
