I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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