i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I cockslap morals
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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