why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
