I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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