just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
