; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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