I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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