i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
