dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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