The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
