He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
