what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
