He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
