it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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