Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
