Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
