Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
