i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think my moral compass just broke
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
