I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
