Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
