Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i now understand why vodka
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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