It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
