I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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