Got a toothbrush?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
