I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just puked most of my soul out..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize