I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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