No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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