Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
