he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
bring money and cleavage
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
