I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
