I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize