there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
