i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
