I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
