On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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