Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
