these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
