you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
