So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If its not for food we ain't going out.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
