Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
